Friday, September 25, 2009

First Day Jitters- In Grad School? Aren’t I too old for that?

I use to walk into a classroom and immediately scan the room to see if I was the fattest person in the room.  Tomorrow I start my masters in teaching program at City University.  While I will never be the smallest person in the room, after loosing over 150#, I usually am not the largest.  Now I am worried about being the oldest.  I graduated 13 years ago.  I had a great career and did a lot of helpful things with my population of chronically mentally ill adults.  I can honestly say I was a good counselor.  Most of my clients liked me (a few in an inappropriate way), and I genuinely and appropriately liked some of them.  Some I did not.  And then I was afforded the privilege of staying home with my two boys.  I had envied the mom’s who were able to stay home and I loved it, and the boys, as I had my turn as a stay at home mom.

Last year when my youngest started first grade I worked at the school.  I loved every minute of it.  One of my supervisors told me I was a “natural born teacher.”  Another told me I did my job perfectly.  However, I did not receive a renewed contract this year.  The outrage and and calls and cards from the other teacher was comforting and, after getting over that blow I got my ducks in a row and decided to go back to school.

Lately I have been questioning that decision.  I have a perfectly good education.  Is it wasteful to not use the one I already have?  Am I being greedy?  It isn’t like I jumped into this decision.  All the usual thinking, praying and planning took place.  I even ordered all my textbooks, made a really cute if not giant tote bag to carry all my stuff, and have committed every Saturday for what seems an eternity to complete this desire and goal. 

A good friend of ours and local city council woman gave Job a book the other day.  She is genuinely nice and has done right by the citizens who entrusted her with their vote.  But anyway, in the book, Job read me a quote by one of our favorite American Patriots Benjamin Franklin (and it surprisingly has not even one animal reference).  He read it to me as I was anxiously contemplating my upcoming first day of school:

“I think, moreover, that the talents for the education of youth are the gift of God; and that he [or she] on whom they are bestowed, whenever a way is opened to use them, is as strongly called as if he [or she] heard a voice from heaven…”

I feel better.  We’ll see how tomorrow goes.  Thanks Job for your support, and Benjamin for the reassurance.

1 comment:

fawndear said...

I too want to go back to school when my youngest in in school. But mostly to see if my old brain sponge can absorb any useful information, that and finally plan for the what if's that life always seems to throw at you.
I think you'll do excellent and will show all those youngish whipper-snappers a thing or two while your at it. Best wishes. Ben F. got it way right. It is a God given talent.